Be good and understanding of your family. If you are married and/or have kids, they are going through this with you. You are not alone, and you must keep in mind the effects your unemployment is having on your family. This is a rough time for all of you, and you need to be empathetic to the feelings of those you love.
During my period of unemployment, I have had a couple blow-outs, a few yelling fights with my wife; I have snapped at my children more times than I would like; and I am sure I have been a prick to my friends. The reality is that at times, I have not been a wonderful person to be around. The stress has gotten to me, and I have broken down.
Do not be ashamed. Breaking down is normal, and you and your family may all have times when they break down. The longer you have been out of work, the harder it will become, and the more likely you will have a period of breakdown. The day after my grandfather died, my wife called me and told me that the Denver Broncos game did not record on my DVR. I was pissed off and just literally broke down for a fifteen-minute crying jag over the fact that I just wanted to go home and watch football. When I look back on it, I think it was crazy. But the reality of the situation was that the combination of being out of work, tight on money, not getting my football game, and the death of my grandfather just built up, and I cracked.
Well, the reality of your family is they are suffering a little too. I am sure if there are money issues, then that is a significant strain on your family. If your wife or husband has had to go back to work like mine, that is an additional stress. Your kids are not getting all of the things or doing the same things that they did when you had a job. There is serious stress on all of you.
Make a significant effort to tell your family that you love them. Try to do the little things that will make them happier. Do the laundry or finish your around the house to-do list. Spend more time playing games or sports with your kids. Make time for your family and let them tell you how they are feeling during this period. They may need to talk, just as I advised you to talk to family and friends. Listen, don’t solve…just listen.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Unemployed: What do you tell the kids
You are now unemployed. For those of us with a spouse and kids, the question is whether to tell the kids or not. My answer is that you have to tell them something. They will notice if you do not get up and go to work in the morning. You can probably fool them for a week or two, but they will catch on really quickly.
It is not a question of do you tell them, it is how much you tell them. All of your kids need to be told, unless they are of an age where they wouldn’t understand at all. My 3 ½ year old and my 6 year old both know that I am not working and that I am looking for a job. In fact, my son has offered to not take an allowance ($2.00 per week for vacuuming the whole house) until I get a job. He says he understands we are tight on money. Smart kid, but it is a sad thing to have to listen to your 6 year old tell you he understands.
The reality is that they do understand. My 3 ½ year old understands that we can’t do some of the things we would normally do because I am not working. She has accepted that there are certain things we can’t afford to buy, right now, but might be able to get in the future. She has a limited understanding of what it means to be unemployed, but she does understand.
As your kids get older, you need to get more detailed with them on the situation. A nine year old has the capacity to understand that everyone needs to pitch in to save money and that daddy or mommy is working hard on trying to get a job. They will also be able to comprehend that daddy or mommy is stressed out more and may not be as fun or frivolous.
Then as you get children into the double digits and into their teens they know exactly what is going on. The older teens may even need to know that you have been out of work for some time and you are struggling to pay the mortgage every month. The demands on a teen in our society bring out the monetary needs daily. The more clued in they are into your situation, the more likely they will be able to curb their needs for non-essential things.
Plus, keeping the older kids in the loop also prepares them for the really big issues such as if you are getting evicted because of your lack of mortgage or rent payments. They will be in a better position to understand why the bill collectors keep calling and you are not answering the phone. There are so many ways that the older kids can be of assistance in this time. Tell them what is going on.
The key is not to unduly burden your kids. The younger ones need to be protected from the actual money issues most of the time. The older kids need to be protected from the marital fighting whenever possible. They also may need to be sheltered from your emotional breakdowns as they occur. They need to know you are mom or dad and you will get this done in the end. It may take time, but you will get a job again.
It is not a question of do you tell them, it is how much you tell them. All of your kids need to be told, unless they are of an age where they wouldn’t understand at all. My 3 ½ year old and my 6 year old both know that I am not working and that I am looking for a job. In fact, my son has offered to not take an allowance ($2.00 per week for vacuuming the whole house) until I get a job. He says he understands we are tight on money. Smart kid, but it is a sad thing to have to listen to your 6 year old tell you he understands.
The reality is that they do understand. My 3 ½ year old understands that we can’t do some of the things we would normally do because I am not working. She has accepted that there are certain things we can’t afford to buy, right now, but might be able to get in the future. She has a limited understanding of what it means to be unemployed, but she does understand.
As your kids get older, you need to get more detailed with them on the situation. A nine year old has the capacity to understand that everyone needs to pitch in to save money and that daddy or mommy is working hard on trying to get a job. They will also be able to comprehend that daddy or mommy is stressed out more and may not be as fun or frivolous.
Then as you get children into the double digits and into their teens they know exactly what is going on. The older teens may even need to know that you have been out of work for some time and you are struggling to pay the mortgage every month. The demands on a teen in our society bring out the monetary needs daily. The more clued in they are into your situation, the more likely they will be able to curb their needs for non-essential things.
Plus, keeping the older kids in the loop also prepares them for the really big issues such as if you are getting evicted because of your lack of mortgage or rent payments. They will be in a better position to understand why the bill collectors keep calling and you are not answering the phone. There are so many ways that the older kids can be of assistance in this time. Tell them what is going on.
The key is not to unduly burden your kids. The younger ones need to be protected from the actual money issues most of the time. The older kids need to be protected from the marital fighting whenever possible. They also may need to be sheltered from your emotional breakdowns as they occur. They need to know you are mom or dad and you will get this done in the end. It may take time, but you will get a job again.
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